The Fatty Chronicles

Movement

2007-01-15T14:44:00.000-08:00

So, I've decided to get rid of the Gazelle. It's $175 if you want to take it off my hands. The good news is, I've decided to start walking outside. Yes, even in this hideously freezing 43' weather, I will be going for walks each day. I decided it was time to use my iPod nano for something other than my car stereo.

Does anybody know how a fat person puts on a pedometer? And have it record your steps correctly??

Alarm!

2006-11-25T21:07:00.000-08:00

I don't want to alarm anyone, but I exercised today of my own free will and choice, and not out of guilt.

For a whopping 4 minutes.

I think I may do it again.

So Fun!

2006-08-21T23:37:00.000-07:00

I have been having so much fun with my new Gazelle! The footpads came off so that ticks me off, but I can just superglue them back on. Plus, it would probably help if I had shoes on and not in my bare feet.

I feel so happy lately... I wonder if there's a Mack truck in my future?

Marathon Blog

2006-08-17T08:14:00.000-07:00

I belong to the popular weight-loss support group Sparkpeople. It’s a great place to educate yourself on weight loss. It seems that almost daily I get an email with an inspirational quote and question to get and keep me motivated on my journey. I should spend time doing that every day, writing in my journal blog about the ones that touch me, but my brain farts and I just keep filling my inbox with them. So today I’m going to marathon blog and use some of those quotes and questions not only so I can empty my inbox, but so I can spend time pondering on them.

So here goes!

“The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That’s the day when we truly grow up.” – John Maxwell, author and public speaker

Many things happen to us or around us during our lives. For a time, we can “blame” these occasions for our thoughts and actions, but there comes a day when we must accept responsibility for ourselves and what we say and do. My father died when I was 7. Apparently the way I dealt with it was eating. That’s what started the snowball rolling down the hill. At some point that excuse became unacceptable for my reason for being fat. When that occurred I’ll probably never know but I can accept responsibility now. I put that donut in my mouth because “I deserve it”. Because I want it. It doesn’t really matter why I do it, the point is I do it and I must stop. For me to get what I deserve in life, I must stop.

“A great obstacle to happiness is expecting too much happiness.” – Bernard de Fontanelle, writer

I truly believe that happiness is a choice. There can be circumstances which make it hard for us to make that choice, but ultimately it is up to us to decide how happy we are and why.

“If at first you don’t succeed, you’re running about average.” – Unknown

Isn’t that SO true? I mean, honestly. How many people are truly successful? Here’s the rub: How do you define success? Some might look at me and my situation and think that I am decidedly Unsuccessful. I choose to believe otherwise.

“Treat the Earth well. It was not given to you by your parents. It was loaned to you by your children.” – Kenyan Proverb

The whole “loan from your children” thing isn’t what strikes me. It’s for selfish reasons I want to be a good steward of the Earth. I love it. There is no other place in the galaxy like it. I enjoy having clean air to breathe. I think that thechnology is necessary, and that the Industrial Age brought on so much so fast, we didn’t have a way to know what was/is good and bad. People get so caught up in squeezing every second of productivity that they can out of the day that many of our modern conveniences have also caused us great harm, both physiologically and as a society. It is not okay that we don’t know our neighbors. We shouldn’t have to sentence prisoners to cleaning up our highways because we should appreciate beauty so much that we would never do anything to degrade it like littering.

I think that’s good for now. The morning is marching on and I’ve got laundry to do.

Peace!

Little Sweeties

2006-08-09T19:46:00.000-07:00

I am in love. With a tomato. A teeny, tiny, scrumptious little red tomato. It's about as big as my fingernail. I bought three pints of them and have forbidden my children from eating them. They can have the other tomatoes we have, but these are MINE!!!

I've been having a difficult time lately. My will and esteem have been low and going lower. It's been too easy for me to make the wrong choice in a given circumstance, and today I decidecd to take myself back. The boys are starting school on Monday and I will be all by myself with just the little one. Nobody will be whining at me to take them out to lunch, nobody will be whining at me because they don't like what I've fixed for lunch at home, I can eat all the gourmet and healthy foodstuffs I want!

And I'm startin' with these termaters...

HCFS Ban

2006-07-30T16:59:00.000-07:00

I've decided to become as HCFS (high-fructose corn syrup) free as I can. I believe strongly in the "think globally, act locally" mantra. I started by giving up soda, and I'm moving into other realms. HCFS is a super-sweetener. The less you need of an ingredient, the more powerful it is. You could think of it as you might heroin, for instance. The more you use, the more it takes for you to get high. We no longer crave the sweetness of fruit for dessert, we want super-sweets!

Footprints

2006-07-28T12:41:00.000-07:00

"You must be careful how you walk and where you go, for there are those following you who will set their feet where yours are set." - Robert E. Lee, Civil War General

Well now that's a scary thought! Or is it? The reasons for my being fat are many. If my children become fat, there will only be one: ME. They watch what I do. They eat what I eat. They want what I want.

I must have done something right with my firstborn, he eschews sodas & snacks for healthier things. Given a choice between french fries or a side salad at the drive-thru, he'll pick the salad. My other two sons go for the fries and soda (or chocolate milk) every time. They've been watching me a little too closely! Aside from wanting to lose weight because I am disgusted with what I see in the mirror and how I feel physically worn out every day, I want to set a good example for my children. I don't want them to struggle as I have. So I finally gave up soda for good. In the last 4 weeks I have broken down and had it 4 times, but aside from the time where I had none for 2 years straight, this is the best I've ever done. And it hasn't been hard. Just expensive! I've started buying flavored waters and other drinks to treat myself, and my husband noticed. He's proud of me, but more than that, I'm proud of me too. Now, if I can just get my younger ones to follow suit...

Moving Right Along

2006-07-26T15:11:00.000-07:00

Well so far, things are getting better. Except for this stupid cold I have. Although, I don't know if it's really a cold since all I have is extreme facial congestion. Anywho... I think my "bad" streak has run it's course and the horizon is in view again. I know it sounds weird, but I finished a novel today and I suddenly feel invigorated in other areas. I haven't felt this way for a long time, and I think it has something to do with having completed something (the novel). Isn't that weird?

Today's quote is:

"You never understand a person until you consider things from his point of view." - Harper Lee, Writer

As I pondered how this particular quote applied to my quest, I came up with this thought:

*I found an article in the July 2006 issue of Prevention Magazine about a woman who had shed 218 lbs. with the support of her husband. The man didn't just say nice things to her, he helped her make the change. He gave her what she actually needed, not what he wanted to give or thought she needed, for her to succeed. I think it takes real insight to have some semblance of what a person is going through. You may not struggle with your weight, maybe your addiction is to something else, and knowing how hard it is for you to cope with your demons can give you inspiration on how to help someone else.

That's all for today, kids!

SalGal of Central California

2006-07-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite sayings from the Anne of Green Gables miniseries is: "Tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes." Thank God for that! Last week was a banner week for me, in the WRONG kind of way. I've been feeling very blue, very quietly pity partying, that kind of thing. So of course, I made all kinds of bad food choices, which made it worse, you get the idea what happened.

But tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes. And I've renewed my contract with myself to make these changes for the better. I flipped out last night that my kids might not grow up without a mother, without me, and I know that making and sticking with these changes is the only thing I can control about that.

So here I go, again, and I figure if I keep going at it... one day it will stick! On a lighter note, I did lose 3 lbs. from the last time I had weighed myself before that, but I'm pretty sure I gained that back. But maybe not. We'll see!

How Is My Character?

2006-07-14T08:09:00.000-07:00

"Hard work spotlights the character of some people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all." - Sam Ewing

Sorry am I to say that I frequently turn up my nose or not at all. Losing weight is SUPER hard work, but I asked for help from Heavenly Father and this time I recognize where I've gotten it. I have had no desire whatever to eat out at fast-food. It has not been hard for me to give up drinking soda. And when I went to the GYN today? I've lost 3 lbs. since the last time I weighed me! I feel real good now. Real good. I'm watching my damn Netflix movie tonight if it kills me as a reward! (Failure to Launch, fyi)

Who Am I?

2006-07-11T19:56:00.000-07:00

"Some people are carbon copies, other people make their own impression" -Church signboard in Arizona

I hope I am more than a carbon copy of anybody! A lot of people see me as loud and stubborn. I am, and I'm not really interested in changing, either. I look and sound so much like my mother, I feel like I have to fight with everything I have to be myself (whoever that is!). My mom is a good person. Her good qualities way outweigh the things that bug the crap out of me about her. But I'm not her, I'm me, and it's important that the distinction be made.

I haven't been doing great with my goals, but I haven't completely failed, either. I've given up soda except for medicinal purposes. You know, nothing fixes a raging headache better than a nice, syrupy Coke. And I haven't moved on to the physical part of my journey yet, but I'm getting there!

Last night I found a scale that will (ALMOST) weigh me. I have probably 15 lbs. to lose before I reach the maximum it will read, but that's no biggie. Maybe by September I'll be able to use it, I hope!

Overcoming the Natural (Wo)Man

2006-07-02T17:07:00.000-07:00

I was reading in this month's Ensign (available here) about putting off the natural man. Wow. What an appropriate subject for me! It gave me a thought I'd never heard of before, and yet helped me to understand a great deal about myself.

Elder Melvin J. Ballard (not Russell M.) said that "all the assaults that the enemy of our souls will make to capture us will be through the flesh, because it is made up of the unredeemed earth, and he has power over the elements of the earth. The approach he makes to us will be through the lusts, the appetites, the ambitions of the flesh."

That statement right there has helped me more than anything else I've ever heard about addiction (mine being to food).

Any thoughts to add?

Getcha Back

2006-07-01T23:44:00.000-07:00

Well, I haven't written much on my progress lately because I've been on vacation for the last 3 weeks. But I'm back now and happy to report that I am doing pretty well, I think. No soda for 3 days now. Haven't made it to the workout part of my goals but I did just get back so I think I get a little slack. For some reason, I recieved a pedometer in the mail while we were gone (I think because I subscribe to Prevention magazine) and amazingly enough, it's pretty accurate. So I'm going to start wearing that, too.

I'm so tired I don't know what I'm saying right now, but in case anyone reads this I didn't want them to think I abandoned the Chronicles. Oh no. We're here to stay.

Yay, Me!

2006-06-06T08:09:00.000-07:00

So I've been doing this Spark People thing for almost a week now and yesterday was the first day I managed to record EVERYTHING I ate. And I did great!! I'm so proud of me!!

I hope you've done your seismic retro-fitting

2006-06-04T19:22:00.000-07:00

This is a story. A true story about me. Once upon a time I was a little girl. I had a great life. Then my dad died. Apparently I ate everything in sight to deal with it. I don't know, I was seven. Then I got older. My family tried this, that, and the other to get me to lose weight. I don't much care for other people telling me what to do, even if they do have the best of intentions.

Now I'm even older than I was then. In May of 1995, I weighed 364 lbs. Then I had weight-loss surgery. The Roux-en-Y gastric bypass procedure. It was great! Unfortunately for me and the surgeon, I'm too smart. I passed their little psychological test that said I knew this wasn't a cure-all for my problems and that I had to learn healthy eating habits, exercise, blah blah blah. Except the "secret" me didn't believe that I guess. After a year, I had lost about 130 lbs. I never did start a fitness program. The man I loved came back from a mission for our church in August 1996. We had a brief courtship where I drove him insane and forced him to marry me in June of 1997. Here we are 9 years later and I weigh more now than I did before the surgery. A lot more.

Obviously, I am not happy about this. I am so screwed up that even though I had lost that 130 lbs. and seen people I went to high school with that didn't recognize me I looked so different, I still couldn't go through with attending our reunions. You can imagine how messed up I feel now! Then there's the mental health issues that I struggle with. Part of it's hereditary (my family tree is full of nuts!), part of it's because of my weight, and part of it is... the luck of the draw? I don't know. At least I don't smoke or feed my kids Pine-Sol laced applesauce, right?

So here's the plan. I've actually admitted to people other than myself how rotten I feel. How scared I am. How ashamed...

And here's what I'm going to do about it:

1) I am absolutely, for real this time, NOT going to eat at fast-food places, ever.

2) I have joined an online weight loss community called Spark People. I have some friends there. We motivate eachother.

3) I have to move it, move it. McDonald's gave me their Cardio DVD when I bought their Asian salad last week. Sure, it's only 15 minutes. But the sad truth is, I'll be lucky if I can last even that long.

4) Honey and I are going to do "the Hundred" every night right after we put the kids to bed. I'll probably do it a couple of other times during the day, too. But once is all I'll torture him with.

That's probably all I can handle.

I don't care who reads this. But my shame is so great right now that if you happen to be an immedate family member of mine and stumble across this, I will disown you if you mention it to me in person. If you feel the need to randomly complement me, however, please... be my guest!

Until next time.